“Wilson” & Industry ads

I was tasked with writing lines that the obnoxious character, Wilson, would say in ads placed on various entertainment industry websites.

Best film I ever saw was Titanic. Everyone got what they deserved.  

Oh good. Hollywood news. It’s like reading the funny papers but with tragic endings. 

Worst review. Nobody likes you! Shut up. 

This site is made and kept by the man. ENJOY. SHEEP!

Great article! Would’ve made more sense if it was written in crayon. 

Please shut up. None of this matters. Read a book! 

Please stick to writing for the funny papers. Jerk.

This is all bullsh*t. All of this right here. Except that article about ME.

What a load of crap. It’s like a monkey banged it all out on a typewriter. 

Oh good. Hollywood news. Because that’s what matters.

Hollywood news!? A bunch of morons pretending to be someone else. There’s your update. 

If I want to hear what you think of a movie, I’d listen to you talk through it. 

You know what would make this site better? Talent. 

Hollywood gossip! I can’t imagine a better waste of time.

Oh yeah. Let’s read about rich people with no sense of decency. 

If I wanted to read about people who slept their way to the top I’d read my ex’s texts.

Indie news? Is that hipster-talk for the newest kale salad or something? 

Indie news? Let me guess. Another depressing film with some B-rated celebrity. 

Variety?! It’s all Hollywood gossip?! False advertising! 

(IMDB) Oh good. A site that has all the useless information about movies that I ever wanted. 

Where are the articles about that dog show? Now THAT’S entertainment. 

I love Hollywood! Always makes me feel better about my own crappy life. Losers.

Hollywood is the best reminder that there are people out there that have it worse than I do.

Hollywood. Where morons get overpaid for acting like idiots.